My grandmother’s name was Ellen. I loved her very much. She was a hard-working lady with a soft spot for her grand children. As a child I would stay long periods at her house in summer. She cooked special meals for me, let me get away with way more than my parents would, and always made a nervous laugh under her breath when I was around her.
Good Morning
When I spent time at her house, she woke hours before me. Waking up, I’d make my way down the stairs, to the scent of whatever she had been cooking. Most mornings I would find her at the kitchen table drinking coffee, and listening to “boots and salutes” or the call in garage sale, on CJWW 750. Some mornings I might find the kitchen empty. I would pull a chair over to the counter, climb up and peer out the kitchen window. Looking deep into the backyard I could watch her pick raspberries in her garden, until she came in and cooked me breakfast. When I was young, she would make me toast with brown sugar, cinnamon and peanut butter. That was the usual. Every morning she would ask what I wanted. I would reply “the usual”. I liked saying that and she knew it. She played that game with me every morning.
Not Good News
Somewhere around 2007 my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She put up a courageous battle, despite the fact the disease was quite advanced by the time we knew what was wrong. My grandmother’s fight was also very hard on my mother. I watched her struggle to care for Grandma. She spent her days off, driving two hours to get my grandmother and bring her to town for treatment. Selflessly, she would then drive her home the same day or the next, depending on how grandma felt. This was so Grandma wouldn’t have to make the trip on the bus, and could be home as much as possible. My mother would start work two hours early so she could finish early, then drive two hours to get my grandmother and bring her to town. The next day, she would do it all again. The rest of the family helped out when they could, but my mother always made herself available for whatever Grandma needed, at times even at the cost of her own health.
The End
When my grandmother was very near to the end of her life, my wife and I were set to embark on our first family vacation with our 9 month old daughter. We had planned the trip nearly a year prior. We knew my grandmother would pass soon and I did not want to go. My mother insisted we take our vacation, stating Grandma would be upset if we didn’t.
We decided to go. Two days later I got the call she had passed. We were staying at a bed and breakfast in the mountains of British Columbia. I went outside, sat down at a picnic table and wrote a song for my Grandma. It was as if the song already existed and I was pulling it from the air. In less than 10 minutes it was done. Days later I sang the song at her funeral. I have no memory of singing it, and I have no idea how I got through it. I did not sing the song for a long, long time.
I Lost My Voice
I’ve wanted to record “Ellen” for many years and have tried many many times. However I was never able to get through it. It took 7 years before I was able to sing the song in a room by myself without breaking down in the middle. I still have difficulty getting through it now.
This song is very special to me. Here is Ellen.
If you like the song and you would like a digital copy free please drop me a line here. Available on most streaming platforms.
Pam Petruska says
Wow, this resonates my own Grandma’s life with me. I too was away when my Grandma passed, Dano and I were on a motorcycle trip to Oregon. The following morning while riding an eagle flew with us for quite sometime., I know that it was her. Beautiful song and wonderful tribute! You are a very talented writer.
Kimberleigh says
This is beautiful Trevor! It will become my new relief song, when I’m feeling sad about my mom. XOXO. Thank you!
Trevor C Young says
that means a lot. thank you
Glen Adair says
The best ones always are always close to home!
Henrick Henry says
Dude thanks for being honest and sharing your story. Made me not only think about my dear Grandmothers but also the people in life we often forget wont be around forever so we should do our best to make the most of the times we get to spend with those “Ellens” in our lives.
Dedrick says
This song is absolutely beautiful! I experienced the loss of one of my Grandmother’s last fall. This song resonates so much. Thank you for sharing this with the world!
Kevin Carignan says
So Beautiful and touching and honest.